Building a Business Almost Broke Our Marriage - Here’s What I Learned

How Did We Get Here?! 

“I don’t think I can do this anymore,” I told my husband, Jeff, when he finally finished his work for the day and got into bed at 11:30 PM. 

“I know the past month has been crazy, and I’m really looking forward to things settling down soon, too,” he replied.

“No, I mean all of this. I mean, this marriage,” I said through tears. 

Here we were, in the midst of the company's busy season (let’s be real, though, there’s never really a down season when you own a business?! ). Somehow, we made it through summer, the highest volume period in real estate that often doubles the workload. We were quickly moving into fall, trade show season, which sent my husband away on multiple business trips each month. 

This was also during yet another growth year. We planned to open in nine new cities and launch a new platform. Because of this rapid growth and reinvestment, a new six-figure line of credit was taken out in our names. Meanwhile, owner profits remained slim, and all proceeds were reinvested in the business. Since I had decided to stay home with the kids while they were young, the company's profits were our only source of income. We were also in the midst of buying out a former partner whose relationship with my husband and the other co-founder had soured, and a potential lawsuit from a disgruntled employee loomed over our heads. 

I knew that starting a company and raising kids would be difficult, but I didn't realize just how hard it would be to be the partner of an entrepreneur, or how profound the impact would be on me and our marriage. It’s widely accepted that building and running a company requires extraordinarily hard work. It’s also clear that the pressure, demands, and stress weigh heavily on entrepreneurs. However, what is often overlooked is the fact that the business becomes an extension of the entrepreneur. It bleeds into every aspect of their life and significantly affects their partner and home life, for better or worse.

Building a strong company is hard, and building a strong marriage is hard, too. But trying to do both at the same time can seem impossible! 

If this sounds familiar, I hope my story helps normalize this experience for you and helps you recognize that entrepreneurship is truly a shared load. It places intense demands on both you and your partner, regardless of your direct involvement in the business. If these demands aren’t acknowledged, openly discussed, and if steps aren’t taken to manage them, they can easily lead to burnout, resentment, and the gradual erosion of your relationship. 

Things I Wish I Had Known 

Thankfully, we made it through those most difficult years with the business, but I feel like it was only by the skin of our teeth. Looking back, there are a lot of things I learned and would have done differently that could have saved a lot of heartache and prevented burnout during that time. Here are a few things I wish I had known.   

• The Importance of Building Out My Team

We would never expect a business to grow and be successful without investing in its people, processes, and leadership, and trust me, we did a whole lot of that during the 12 years we owned the business. However, at the same time we were investing heavily in building a solid team to support the business, I was running around pretending I was superwoman, trying to do it all– raising the kids, growing my career, managing the house and our social calendar, acting as the unofficial coach/therapist/sounding board/event coordinator for my husband and the company, just to name a few. As seen in my story above, you can see where that got me… burnt out on the verge of an emotional breakdown. 

There were many reasons why I didn’t invest in a personal support team at the time. Still, a lot of it came down to my own internal narrative: “I should be able to do it all,” and  “we don’t have the money for help right now,” and “everyone is busy, so I don’t want to inconvenience anyone else.” But here’s what I learned: Building a personal support team is not optional when a business is growing—it’s imperative. A support team can look like many things–childcare, household help, coaching, therapy, a personal assistant, a solid group of family and friends, or all of the above.  And the important thing to realize is that a strong support system doesn’t happen by accident; it is built intentionally through delegation, boundaries, and the willingness to say, "I can’t do this alone."

Is it an investment? Sure, but it’s the most important investment you can make that I’m confident will pay back immensely by protecting your energy, your marriage, and your long-term sustainability. When I finally began investing in my support team and myself, the ripple effects were immediate. I had more clarity, patience, and capacity for what mattered most. 

• Prioritizing Intentional Connection Points

We all know entrepreneurs live and die by their calendars. As my husband says, “if it’s not on the calendar, then it doesn’t exist,” which is why date nights and other quality connection points were pretty much nonexistent for so long. In the busy years of the business, we were ships passing in the night, and most of our conversations were quick status updates and transitional agreements about who was doing what when. This was not ideal for someone whose love language is quality time, and it led to many missed connections and miscommunication! Building in intentional meeting times, such as a weekly partner meeting and regular connection habits, such as a bi-weekly date night and a yearly couples retreat, made all the difference. Making these non-negotiable, recurring calendar appointments is key to making them happen and staying connected, even when life is busy and full.     

• Joint Goals Increase Satisfaction

The Harp Family Institute conducted a fascinating study on entrepreneurs' marriage satisfaction and found that “entrepreneurs who set long-term business and family goals with their significant other scored higher in nearly EVERY area of satisfaction than those who didn’t set long-term shared goals.” This makes total sense. As a coach, I know the power of shared goal-setting in creating clarity, alignment, and motivation. However, for many years, we weren’t deliberate about setting joint business and family goals. We were both working incredibly hard and trusted each other in our separate domains, but in many ways, we were operating more side-by-side than truly aligned.

We had a vague sense of what we were working toward and the idea of selling the company one day, but, quite honestly, it often felt like a pipe dream. If we had taken the time to clearly map out our shared vision—both for the business and for our family—I know we would have had more ownership in our individual roles, a clearer understanding of the sacrifices being made, felt more supported, and a stronger sense that we were building something together. I’m confident that such intentional alignment would have led to a greater impact and deeper satisfaction much sooner.

• The Power of Community

I’m sure you’ve heard the term, “it’s lonely at the top,” but I’d argue that it’s also lonely to be married to the top. There’s a reason why the term “startup widow” exists. The business can be all-consuming, often siphoning your partner's focus, energy, and attention.  In addition, I have found that family and friends often mean well, but they don’t always understand the pace, uncertainty, or tradeoffs entrepreneurial life brings. There were many times throughout this journey that I felt lonely and longed for a community that understood the demands of entrepreneurship. 

Early in his business venture, my husband joined Entrepreneur’s Organization (EO), which is a global peer network for founders. His greatest value came from his peer-to-peer forum, a trusted small group sharing real experiences and support.  It wasn’t until years later that I joined my own forum for entrepreneurs' partners, and I so wish I had joined sooner. There is something so powerful about being in a confidential, high-trust space with people walking a similar path. Meeting with my group monthly for the past three years has sharpened my thinking, challenged me to grow, and reminded me that I’m not alone. Even if you aren’t part of an entrepreneurs' organization, there are plenty of ways to connect and build that community during your entrepreneurial journey. I’d love to help get you connected! 

Regardless of which phase of the business you are in, I hope that you don’t have to learn these lessons the hard way, as we did. Building a company will always require sacrifice, hard work, and risk, but your marriage shouldn’t have to carry the cost alone. With the right support, intentional connection, shared vision, and community, it’s possible to build both a thriving business and a strong relationship. It may not always be easy, but it is absolutely worth being intentional about from the start.